What do you want?
“To get the love you want, you must first know what you want. This means defining your outcome and knowing who and what brings out the best in you. It means clarifying your boundaries and knowing what you need to be happy.
Knowing who you are makes it much easier to identify what you want. Write down what is important to you in a partner, from their appearance and interests to their values and goals to their communication style and sense of humor.
Something we don’t often consider is that we need to accept in others the things we want to be accepted in ourselves. No one is perfect, so as you define your ideal partner, let go of any expectations of perfection.”
In the search for love and companionship, one of the most important questions you can ask yourself is, "What do I want?" It's a simple question but often overlooked in the excitement and emotions of dating. Knowing what you truly want in a relationship is the first step to finding a partner who complements your life and makes you genuinely happy. Let's explore why understanding your desires is crucial and how you can clarify what you want in a relationship.
Why It’s Important to Know What You Want
Understanding what you want in a relationship sets the foundation for your dating journey. It guides your decisions, helps you recognize when someone is or isn’t a good match, and saves you time and emotional energy. When you know what you want, you can communicate clearly with potential partners and establish healthy boundaries that protect your well-being.
Having a clear vision of your desires also helps you avoid settling for less. It empowers you to make choices that align with your values and long-term goals, ensuring that you build a relationship that is fulfilling and sustainable.
Start with Self-Reflection
To figure out what you want, start with self-reflection. Take some time to think about your past relationships and what worked or didn’t work for you. Consider what made you feel happy, valued, and loved, as well as what left you feeling unsatisfied or unappreciated. Reflecting on these experiences can provide valuable insights into what you need from a partner and a relationship.
Ask yourself some important questions:
What are my core values, and how do I want them to align with my partner's values?
What kind of lifestyle do I envision for myself, and how does a partner fit into that picture?
What qualities do I admire in others, and which ones do I want to see in my partner?
How do I want to feel in my relationship?
Being honest with yourself during this process is crucial. Don’t focus on what you think you should want based on societal expectations or pressure from others. Instead, listen to your inner voice and trust what feels right for you.
Identify Your Non-Negotiables
Non-negotiables are the aspects of a relationship that are essential for your happiness and well-being. These are the deal-breakers that you cannot compromise on. Identifying your non-negotiables helps you set clear boundaries and ensures you don’t settle for a relationship that doesn't meet your needs.
Some common non-negotiables might include:
Honesty and trust
Mutual respect
Shared goals or life plans (e.g., wanting children, career aspirations)
Similar values or beliefs
Emotional support and understanding
Once you’ve identified your non-negotiables, write them down and keep them in mind as you meet new people. This will help you stay focused on finding a partner who aligns with what’s truly important to you.
Be Open to Growth and Change
While knowing what you want is important, it’s also essential to remain open to growth and change. As you evolve, your desires and needs may shift. What you wanted in your early 20s might be different from what you want in your 30s or 40s.
Be open to reassessing your goals and desires regularly. Relationships are about growth, both individually and together. Being flexible and willing to adapt allows you to build a relationship that can withstand the changes that life inevitably brings.
Communicate Clearly and Honestly
Once you have a clear understanding of what you want, communicate it openly and honestly with potential partners. Don’t be afraid to express your desires, boundaries, and expectations. Clear communication from the beginning sets the tone for a healthy, respectful relationship.
Remember, the right person will appreciate your honesty and will be eager to understand and meet your needs. They will also share their own wants and desires, leading to a mutual understanding that strengthens your connection.
Focus on Mutual Compatibility
Knowing what you want is just one part of the equation. It’s equally important to consider what your partner wants and ensure there is mutual compatibility. A successful relationship is built on a foundation of shared values, goals, and respect for each other’s needs and desires.
During the dating process, take the time to learn about your partner’s goals and expectations. Ask questions, listen actively, and observe how well your desires align. Compatibility is about finding a balance where both partners feel valued and supported in pursuing their individual and shared dreams.
Understanding what you want in a relationship is key to finding lasting happiness and fulfillment. By taking the time to reflect on your desires, identify your non-negotiables, and communicate openly, you can create a clear path toward finding the right partner.
Remember, knowing what you want isn’t about creating a rigid checklist; it’s about understanding your needs and being open to growth and change. When you have a clear sense of direction, you’re more likely to attract a relationship that brings you joy, love, and a deep sense of connection. So, take a moment to ask yourself, “What do I want?”—and start your journey toward finding the relationship you truly deserve.
