A different kind of prayer

Lord, I miss you.
I've been taught to think that you created it all, so you control it all.
Well, honestly I don't know.
I don't know how much of life you cause, or save.
I don't know if I disappoint you, or you disappoint me.
All I know is, I was seeking a safe place and found it in you.

Sometimes now, I think the safe place was my mind, and I called it Lord.
Then, when my mind failed me, I called it the Devil.
Worst yet, when the Lord didn't rescue me from the Devil.
I called myself abandoned.

I'm learning now that I choose.
And I continue to choose.
And life won't always be perfect,
But I can create the thoughts that make it so.

And Lord, whatever role you play,
whoever you are to me, whatever it is you are
You are welcome here.