Empty Handed

A close friend of mine would always come bearing gifts, no matter the purpose or location of the meeting. I've always found it odd. The older I get, no, the wiser I get, I'm beginning to see the methods behind her madness.

I met another friend recently who shared that he lives by the principle of "never showing up empty handed." That exchange is what brought things into focus for me. There are more of them out there. Those people that focus on how they show up, AND how the leave the room. Who knew?

I took some time to research the concept of empty-handed and got more than I expected. The definitions offer much depth to the concept. Here's a sample of what I found:

1 : not carrying or bringing anything.

2 : having gotten or gained nothing.

3 : doing no work.

4: having failed to obtain or achieve what one wanted.

google.

So... What will I do with this information? A lot, a little and nothing at all.

As I type I remember another lesson I learned from one of my coaches. "Never attend a meeting unless you know the outcome YOU want." Otherwise you end up settling for everyone else's agenda.. That ties into, I think with empty handed principle #4... Failing to obtain. If you don't even know what you want, you have already failed to achieve it. I've been holding tight to that message for a while, so I don't think there is much else I need to do with the concept of being clear on your outcomes so you don't get left empty-handed.

Principe #3, doing no work. Lazy. Just standing there empty-handed watching everyone else take on the burden. There's a little bit of lazy in me to be honest. Actually, it's not so much lazy as it may be minding my own business, giving people space, not being sure what to do, or some combination of them all. When I host guests at my home I much prefer that my guests sit there empty-handed while I clean up the mess. Put your feet up, have some more fun, whatever works for you. Let me do my thing. This is where my hint of Obsessive Compulsive shows up. Clean up just has to be done my way. The mistake here is assuming that everyone is like that as well. It would really help me if I didn't have to figure it out. If you need help, ask! Please! It is stressful wondering whether you are there thinking I'm lazy, or grateful that I am giving you space.

I really don't have much to offer on principle #2. I have a knack for getting what I want out of life. Some things take longer than others, certainly, but my faith has shown me time and time again that the outcome I hope and pray for is coming. It is a combination of knowing what you want, asking for it and also working diligently towards it. When I was younger I would have a white board in my room with my wishlist for the year, and I never had a year go by where I didn't successfully cross everything off. Faith + Ask + Work = Desired Outcomes.

Ok.. now this ones the kicker. Principle #1. Showing up empty handed. That's me all day long. I'm not big on receiving gifts, mostly because it's awkward, I would simply get it myself, or its ugly lol... or again, some combination of the three. I'm terrible at giving and receiving gifts. So, I just don't think about it at all. Head in the sand has worked for me these past 40 years. (41 soon shhhhh).

I was really confronted with the idea of showing up empty handed recently and the 5-W questions wouldn't leave my head. Why does it matter, who really cares, what should I bring, when is it appropriate? I'm sure there's a Where question somewhere out there but I can't think of one. I think back to all the times I've been to meetings ,parties, celebrations, gatherings- giftless. Should I look back and feel guilty or plead insanity? I can't officially claim to be totally ignorant, I could clearly see others around me executing on the task, some seemingly a bit excessively LOL... but not this girl. I am the gift. Ok.. I jest. In all seriousness it's one of those things you know but really didn't know.

Until my new friend. He showed up a little flustered that his hands were empty and apologized profusely. I wasn't bothered at all, and didn't quite understand his heavy focus on the issue. So I asked, and his answer was beautiful. "I always think how can I deposit into this person's life, and it often takes very little to make an impact or to add value and make their day" Lots of paraphrasing there but that was the gist. What a principle to live by! The more I thought about the the impressed I was with him and the more I wanted to implement it in my own life. Depositing into people's lives, Adding value. No matter how small. Making a difference, Just WOW! It takes quite the wholesome character to live such a beautiful existence. I'm far from being that person but I want badly to be there. Let this bit of writing be my first deposit into your life. I hope it makes a difference.

Now, the challenges. Deciding to be this new person adds some weight to living in my daily bubble. I can actually see the pins trying to pierce their way through. In the end, I think it will be worth it.

This new person i’m being is forced to give thought to the person across the table. Who are they? How are they? What do they like and not like? What’s their story? Basically, I have to get to know them! Whew! Did you feel my heart race??

It feels weird to think so deeply about a person. I’m not sure I want people thinking so deeply about me. I feel almost violated. Notice I say I 'think', and 'almost', that’s because I’m still trying to figure it out. I guess the best way to wrap this one up is to say… to be continued once this all makes better sense to me.